Some of you will know my friend Scott Braxton as The Relationship Doctor, and author of the LOVE BOOK: The Top 50 Most Trusted Experts Reveal Their Secrets for Relationship Success. Scott received this question from someone who has done a lot of work on themselves, has made a lot of progress, and had many “Aha” moments. He now wants to move into coaching.
Q: I am sick and tired of getting more awareness without getting any results! What’s happening? Is coaching worth it?
Here is Scott’s answer:
You ask if coaching is worth it, and the answer is absolutely yes. If you have a true desire to live a better life, working with the right coach can make all the difference.
People initially seek coaching or therapy because they are suffering. Sometimes you are just stuck, and have no idea what’s possible, or how to get unstuck. Perhaps other people are making your life miserable, and you want to learn how to change them or cope better. Perhaps you see where you want to be, and need help going for it.
For many people, the act of going inside can be challenging. Initially, you will gain awareness of your old stories, which you have unconsciously lived as “The Truth.” You will need to uncover these stories, before you can see how you created the meaning that keeps you entrapped in your particular prison. The more aware you are, the more you will see how trapped you are. Some people find this so uncomfortable, that they will argue, or stop the process before they discover freedom. They would rather talk with people who will support their stories, and say something like, “Poor you. I don’t know how you put up with that. You deserve better.”
For people who want to be responsible, you have the opportunity to take charge of your life. Soon, you start to realize that you are causing all this by the very stories you create – by how you filter, distort, and interpret what’s happening. At first, this sucks, and you may attempt to deny this truth. You may even go into a round or two of blaming yourself. Then you might criticize yourself for blaming yourself, and a spiral may ensue. Sound familiar?
Then something magical happens. You start to see the strategies you have developed to shut yourself down and sabotage your progress. This is truly eye opening. It’s like taking the Red Pill, and seeing reality for what it is. You get to see how you have created your identity, and how that has been holding you in place. Almost immediately, you see new actions that will get you what you truly want.
It is important to learn to be gently with yourself, and your shared humanity. You will be able to dissociate enough to see the positive benefits of the old way of acting the way you did. They served a purpose, and are no longer needed. Typically, the purpose was to keep you safe and secure, yet now you find that these very ways are holding you back from the joy and happiness you now desire.
This desire for joy and happiness can now fuel your self-discovery. Once you see that your point of view is valid, but it is only one of many, you discover your self as distinct from, and equal with other selves. It is only from this place of Selfhood that you are actually able to authentically relate to other people.
Is this easy? No, but is it very simple. You will be amazed at what progress you can make when you trust yourself and your coach, and you willingly do the work.
Scott Braxton, Ph.D., MBA is the author of the LOVE BOOK: The Top 50 Most Trusted Experts Reveal Their Secrets for Relationship Success. Known as “The Relationship Doctor”, Scott helps people to experience and express the love they have. For more information, click here to visit excellentrelationship.com